The Perfect Gift

Well, hello again, friends.

I know I haven’t been as consistent with posting on this blog as I should be, but you have to understand that I do have a life.  My horses and my numerous charitable organizations demand attention, and there are the non-stop requests for interviews, offers of roles in movies and films, and my constant negotiations with various heads of state.  Not to mention the endless fistfights and women to seduce.

Yesterday I received this email, and it really struck a nerve:

Dear Bill

Next week is my anniversary and I have no idea what to get my wife.  Help!

It’s a conundrum we all face at one point or another.  The worst part is, your wife will probably tell you that the actual gift doesn’t matter.  Doesn't matter?  Just you try and give her a year’s membership to Jenny Craig and we'll see what matters.  Oh no, friends, the gift matters.  A lot.

Now, if you were to seek advice from one of those so-called helpful websites or from another woman they'd likely tell you to try and find out what your wife really likes and get something that fits her interest.  Or they might recommend that you to look through her clothing so you can get some jewelry that would complement her style.  Or, even worse, that one day you accompany her on one of her pointless, meandering trips to the mall and take notice of what she looks at and what she thinks is nice.

Are you sure you would want to do that?  That sounds like an awful lot of work to me. And, even after all that effort there remains more than a puncher’s chance that you would get something she won’t like - which will make her upset and land you in the doghouse. Seems like a pretty steep bet.

From my point of view the sensible solution is to find something that transcends her hobbies, fashion style, or personal interests.  Something that's timeless, in unquestionable taste, and that provokes admiration and jealousy among those who see it.  And let’s face it, women are very vain creatures and crave possession of something other women covet. It's just their nature.

Luckily, I never have a problem in finding the absolute perfect gift for a loved one - whether it be my mother, one of my wives or girlfriends, one of my daughters, my agent, one of my fans, or even Nimoy.  I give a gift that says I truly care.  I give an autographed photo of myself.  I give the gift of Shatner. My advice to you is that you do so as well.

Can you just imagine the look on your wife's face when she unwraps her present and sees a framed photo of Bill Shatner, complete with flirtatious look and provocative expression staring  at her. Even better, one that is personally signed by me.  The flood of gratitude (to say nothing of  the searing rush of desire) may overwhelm the poor thing.  Be sure to have a glass of water handy to help her recover her composure, and then be prepared for what may be the night of your life.

Consider that last part to be my personal gift to you.